I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
