no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
