I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
