At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
50% drunk capacity currently
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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