My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
