she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
