he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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