so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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