Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
