I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
