oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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