wanna go halves on a baby?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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