wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
