i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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