Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
