you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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