Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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