Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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