The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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