Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
