i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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