if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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