We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
