like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
