I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
