I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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