wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
