It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
