How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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