DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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