i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
