I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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