another moral hangover. fuck.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
