sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
