Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We need to get me chipped asap
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
