wat bout pragnant strippers??
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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