Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
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