Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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