note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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