So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
