there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
