You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
