Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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