The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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