He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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