I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
