I would go down on you faster than GM stock
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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