stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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