it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
