it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
