I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
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