Kiss
Puke
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
