just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
