i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
